The Fab Five

These are the young deputies who are slotted to take the place of the older pimps.  These five men are fine, but they are also tricks.  No woman can resist them and we would hold conversations about who was finer than the next.  We would grade on looks and personality and these are my favorite in order.

Karr
"Tow Head"
This is my most favorite, because he is fine.  He is my "tow head", because he has the whitest blond hair when it is cut close to his head.  He has the better personality than all of the ones that will follow.  He was so good at being good, he had me fooled and I fell for him.  I thought he was nothing like the other sluts and inmate whores, but the women showed me different.

Samantha tried to wrap us up in some mess.  She called him over and told him to stay away from.  She would pick an argument with me and blame it on him.  "They were arguing about Karr:, her friends would say.  I swore that Alder had put her up to it.  I thought it was the blond haired blue eyed rivalry.  Thick, who is next on my list had a reputation for sleeping with all the inmates and having the women in the PODS fighting over him.  Once these girls in a POD begin to fight, because Thick spoke to one, and Samantha wanted Karr to get the same type of hype.  I don't know why, but she didn't like him at all.


Thick
"Thickness"
Whew, now Thick is fine, but he has a serious attitude problem.  Thick is very tall and handsome and get a lot of attention from the girls.  There was a rumor about he and a prostitute named Brandi who he had sex with and when he left the condom.  They say she left the next day, becauses she had saved the condom.  He likes to eat his food in plain sight, and knows that can get him a lot of attention and a possible sex act.

I found out something about Thick, however, he's a Momma's boy.  When he does all the stuff he does at work he does it to fit in, because he wants to keep his job.  The  most outrageous behavoir insured him a spot amongst the ranks of the high-ups.  That's what leads him to take parts in the sexual flurry of the Oakland County Jail.  When Freedline stepped on Paula's face, he was at her door apologizing.  "I have a Mom and a sister, and I swear, I would never step on your face."  This from a man who walked a woman bottom naked to the Discilpinary POD while she was on her period.

When they first started 12 years ago, we called Thick and Karr, Fred and Barney.  They were best of friends, because they are the same with different styles.  Karr had me fool that he wasn't a dogg, and Thick had me fooled that he wasn't a good person.  When it all boils down to is, "You get it in to fit in".

Cool
"Pouty lip deputy"
Cool is cool, and really doesn't say very much.  He is the absolute finest of the five, with fair skin, dark hair and blue eyes.  He has no personality, however, and is a true cop.  His lips are so kissable and plump, it looks like I said that he is always pouting.  I liked Cool a lot, at first, and then he began to show his OCJ colors.  First, he would hang with Payne a little too much.  Payne is the promoter of the "freak nasty panty dropping shows".  Before I knew that, Cool was in his face far too much to believe he's doesn't participate "sex for sell".

Another reason is that he now works down in the holding cell area where he has to deal with the courts.  Those jobs are very hard to come by, and most people want them.  Cool just got one, because he will talk the women into prostituting on their way back to the main jail.  I cussed Cool out once for six hours.  He made me go back to my cell, because I had wrote a long letter on Thick.  He was waiting for the moment to get back at me and I did the "unthinkable", and crossed through the door to the "normal" side of the POD.  They call it 29, but it wasn't all about that.

Mrs. Freedline didn't want me out with Jessica the prostitute and robber, turned murderer.  Jessica was a big money makers for the Freedlines.  I was out with her for dinner and Mrs. Freedline went into a panic.  At the tables, they can't hear what you say.  When you talk to someone at their door, they can turn on the speakers and listen.  When your out in the day room there's no way for them to hear the conversation.  Cool had to appease the panic in Mrs. Freedline and I had to appease the anger in me.  I went on for what Jessica swears was six hours.  Cool went and got Alder and they listened for the night.  Oh well....

Bandish
"messy hair deputy"
Bandish was good and left me alone.  He had a run in with me once.  I had asked Torrie Emery not to take her plea deal.  After she was sentenced, he walked to my door and said, "Helping a murderer!"  I got really upset with him and said, "Oh, but you fuck inmates for candy bars and potato chips."  He snuck back into the bubble and laid low for a while.  He worked our POD for a little while, but vanished when he heard I had found out about the prostitution.  He started working nights, probably in New Arrest.  That's where they go when they want to make money they need for something.

Bandish had this funky cut that he would mess with gel, thus "messy haired deputy".  He had a Caesar profile and a flat ass that turned me completely off.  "Crazy Lisa", found him so appealing, she ran from he cell naked one morning after her shower before court.  He reminded me of an old man, but he wanted his money and disappeared somewhere to make it.

Kundow
MIA
Kundow worked elsewhere, but I could see his importance based on his company.  Kundow wasn't as nearly as handsome as Karr, Thick, Cool or Bandish, but he was slick.  He wanted nothing to do mostly where I was, writing letters and bringing attention to their folly.  I met him and he came around for a while and he thought I would somehow change for him, or maybe he was just dumb.  I could believe he was just dumb, or use to stupid women.  Once, he and the Supervisor ate Popeye's in front of us in the bubble.  It's not an unusual thing.  I just can't believe that men who act like they are God's gift to the world needed to eat in front of women to get laid.