There is another way they wear you down. They actually come at you from all ways, from court, to your living enviroment and your own court-appointed-attorney. When you look at your situation, you really can't win, because everyone is against you. I'm writing this all down, because I am a fighter and this is the worse I had to fight in my life. At times, I was completely alone, and I know the feelings the women had who just gave up. Who just threw their lives out the window and submitted to the torture of these people. After my first stay, I was unable to speak to my mother on the phone. That was a big blow to my esteem, because my weekly calls to her kept me in touch with the outside world that can give you hope.
Many of the women who come there have no hope. They also have no one to call rand lose all touch with the outside world and jail becomes the only reality they know. The women become their family and the deputies where they get all of their guidlines for living life. That is fo the time that they are in jail. If those people turn their backs on you, then you have no one, because they will turn everybody else against you, too.
So, when you have court every month with no action, you have no hope. You wonder what's going on. Not many of the women are as educated enough to even understand what is going on in their hearings. Some would come back a say, "I don't know what happened. I think I got six months". For the seven months that I was in Oakland County Jail the first time, I went to court every month with no action. In fact, the Prosecutor hadn't talked to my victim the entire time. That was January 2011, until July 2011. She wouldn't speak to him again until March 2012. She even went back to court and had me re-incarcerated in December of 2011 without a victim that she could communicate with.
I was dazed confused at most court dates. It was more like a big surprise wether than a court appearance. My court-appointed-attorney was there, but hadn't coome to see me the day before. When Martha Anderson badgered me from the bench and asked me, "Don't you know you committed a crime?" All I could do was go back to my cell and sleep all day. I got back to my cell around 4:30 p.m. I slept until one in the morning. It was a real hard day and my body was exhausted. I couldn't believe she tried to force me to take an "Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity" plea. I was supposed to go to trial that day, instead I was offered a NGRI that I told my lawyer a month before I did not want.
When I purchased the transcript and those words mysteriously vanished. It's a conspiracy to wear you down and make you think you have no hope at all. You have no one to help you, because no one could possibly understand. It's meant to break your spirit and make you what they want you to be. Pre-trial after pre-trial I lived to fight another day and ultimately win. So many women never make it through the first two pre-trial conferences. Espeically, when they set your court date for three months away. For me, I watch the prostitutes come back from court with what they expected, after seeing their lawyer the day before.
Somedays, even they thought I had given up, but by the will of God...My hope was never diminished and I kept on to fight another day!
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